Position:Yesterday, I spent 25 years old of my lunar birthday lightly alone flatly. Without the gift, without the blessing, without big eat, whats are done not have. Because be in the time that this very few somebody marks, I a person goes a can peaceful land grasp a few issues, go forgetting a few things, also go deciding a few issues.
What only is worth to rejoice is, my first nocturnal lover Qin Chuan sent a short message to me yesterday, although have “ birthday happy ” only 4 words, let me touch for a long time as before. Part company come 3 many years, annual my birthday this day he still always remembers be being blessed to me, although he became the male friend of others already.
I do not know why he holds a such conventions even, I do not understand him. Be the yearning to me? I dare not affirm. Come 3 years besides annual birthday is blessed, other did not hold between us any connection. If yearn for a person really, how can he control the impulse of the yearning? Be the ashamed regret that stems from pair of pasts? I hope is not such. I and his love is a mistake at the beginning, although I gave him my first time. Speak of Qin Chuan's name, total meeting has one to plant in my heart hard low-key is aching. Went 3 years, my hard him requirement forgets him, forget everything what happen between us, begin new love well next. But, I am not done.
Actually, I now is to do not have a qualification to be yearned for again before of the lover, because I had had a boy friend, but myself is very clear, I do not love him. I am difficult after leaving Qin Chuan fall in love with any man, no matter he is much outstanding, no matter he is right how I am good. I had lost the function of love it seems that, no matter my reason tells me how to should choose the life, but the umbrage that how don't I also take to give the past event however. mere because Qin Chuan is the first my man?
3 years ago, I am big summer of that years 4, I encountered Qin Chuan on the net. Our encountering is destined is a beautiful mistake. I what await in those days am a girl that does not have worry, that summer also passes very leisurely, because of me firm university graduates, rest in the home I can go to a good company having a job after two months. I what await in those days do not feel scared to future, it seems that all very successful —— study, have a job, talk about love, knot legitimate child, it is to await silently next aged. Look in me, the life appears even if comprise by such each link, very natural a very unmindful process. How don't I what await in those days also imagine, in these link, I still will experience a variety of hardships and torment.
To dismiss those quiet times, on my confusing the net chats. The time that I get online is a late night normally. Can a lot of classmates, friend looks for me to play by day, perhaps accompany a mother to shop etc, anyhow, I pass very contentedly by day, very easy and comfortable. But, every time when night comes, my heart can feel empty, lonesome, a kind of ineffable not contented feeling. I do not know I am what to want, be love? I what await in those days just from insipid the body is removed in love, although that is my first love, but how many mark leaves in doing not have the memory in me, won't cause what affection scar to me at that time more. I and he is college fellow student, we are originally very the friend that be close friends, later perhaps is for fill each other love is blank, we with friend of male and female proportional, be in name only just, kiss besides, whats had not happened between us. After the university graduates, he returns native place job, we departed easily. Spoken parts in an opera, that is the game of a love of join in the fun on occasion only.
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